grid project - week 11

Sunday, August 1: Attended a Latin Mass.
The first and only other time I had been to a Latin Mass was a couple of years ago when I was in Washington, D.C. for a youth climate conference. It was terrible--not because of the content itself (how could something as beautiful as the Eucharist be terrible?), but because I didn't understand what was going on. So this time, I went with a friend who frequents the Latin Mass at Holy Wisdom Parish on the North Side, and who was gracious enough to lend me a missal, complete with translations and bookmarks and whatnot. I was really surprised at the Latin Mass, especially after my bad experience with it in D.C.--I think now I can appreciate the opportunity that it provides for personal prayer and contemplation of the Eucharist. I definitely prefer the Novus Ordo Mass--the "regular" Mass for most of us--but I'm very glad for the opportunity to experience the Latin Mass in a more positive light.

Monday, August 2: Went mini-golfing.
I hadn't been mini-golfing in ages, so as a little "last hurrah" before my friend Dan left to do NET Ministries, we decided to go! It was pretty fun--the place we went to has two courses, one of which is suuuuper old...like, I'm pretty sure it's a historic something-or-other. Either way, it was a jolly good way to say "Adios!" to Dan before he made the trip out to Minnesota to start his NET training.

Tuesday, August 3: Survived a near-breakdown.
I had some unexpected drama come my way from Minnesota that I'd rather not go into detail about. But suffice it to say that I had a major freak-out which nearly ended in copious amounts of yelling and crying...but which got sorted out before too much of that happened--for which we should all be very grateful.

Wednesday, August 4: Discovered duck-pin bowling.
Ahhhh, Summer Stretch...teaching me new things, exposing me to new activities and opportunities. Like duck-pin bowling! It's basically the same as bowling...only mini! So the pins are about two-thirds the size of normal bowling pins, and the ball is super small too. So our social activity in the afternoon was to go duck-pin bowling. I was really only half-there all day (having lost a good bit of sleep over the drama mentioned above), so I didn't actually play...but it was still fun to watch the kids play and to discover the game's existence. It's the cutest bowling ever!

Thursday, August 5: Participated in Learning Days with the Benedictine Sisters of Erie.
Each August, the Benedictine Sisters of Erie have something called "Learning Days." They bring in a theologian to speak for two days on a particular topic, and they invite all of their Sisters and Oblates to be a part of it. Since I'm in the process of becoming an Oblate, I was also included on their invitation list. The person they brought in was Fr. Dick Sparks, a Paulist priest, who talked about Catholic morality. I was only able to attend the second day (due to Summer Stretch on Wednesday), but it was a really lovely day: back in the "learning mode" that I kind of forgot about after college, out of the Burgh, at a place I hope will become a sort of second home to me during my time in Pennsylvania.

Friday, August 6: Went to Starbucks with one of my youth.
(Sidenote: I keep reading articles where young people are referred to as "youths," and I think that sounds funny. Like, I actually chuckle to myself when I read anything about "youths"...anyway.) I met up with one of my girls and had a lovely little chat. I love relational ministry, I really do!

Saturday, August 7: Got back into the Lectio groove.
As part of my preparation to become an Oblate, I'm expected to pray regularly using a particularly Benedictine prayer form called Lectio Divina (Latin for "sacred reading"). Lectio is a way to read and reflect on a passage by taking a small chunk of text and reading it multiple times, deepening your reflection with each reading. My explanation doesn't do it any justice at all, but it's a wonderful way to pray, especially if you have a hard time knowing what to say/do in prayer. Normally you do Lectio with a passage from Scripture...but since I'm becoming a Benedictine Oblate, and one of the other expectations is that I study the Rule of Benedict, I decided to do something a little different--I take a small section from the Rule each day and pray through it the same way I would through Scripture. And I have to tell you...I love it. There's so much wisdom packed into the Rule. It's hard to believe that it was written over 1500 years ago!

Alright, one more done! Now I think I'm going to go grocery shopping. YAY! I love grocery shopping so much!

grid project - week 10

Woo! I'm on a roll!


Sunday, July 25: Skip Day.
It happens.


Monday, July 26: Decorated a cake...badly.
By the end of July, the softball season was coming to a close. One of our coaches, Dan, was getting ready to head out to Minnesota for a year of mission work with NET Ministries, so at one of our last practices, I decided to bake a good luck cake. I would normally make everything from scratch, but I didn't quite have enough time, so I broke down and just did the whole box cake thing. I bought some white frosting and some green icing to decorate it, and it turned out...innnnnteresting. I wish I had a picture of it to submit to Cake Wrecks...but alas--no such luck!

Tuesday, July 27: Stopped and looked around the North Hills Art Center.
I pass the North Hills Art Center several times a week while I'm driving from place to place. I had always meant to stop in and look around, but I just hadn't gotten around to it--until that day! So I checked it out, and it was pretty sweet! They have art classes and stuff, and a gallery of the work of local artists and students.

Wednesday, July 28: Volunteered at World Vision.
As part of Summer Stretch, we took our group of middle schoolers to World Vision, an organization that (among many other things) collects and distributes clothing items to people in the developing world. World Vision receives thousands of new clothing donations every year from different retailers, and lots of times, they come packed in boxes with lots of wrapping and hangers and stuff. So our job as volunteers was to unpack them, take out all the stuffing, and inventory them. It was a blast, and the kids had so much fun! It's definitely a place I'd like to work with in the future, and I'm so excited that I was able to be a part of it for the first time through Summer Stretch!

Thursday, July 29: Dressed up for no particular reason.
Every once in a while, it's fun to get dressed up for the heck of it--and since my normal work attire is pretty casual, I decided to spiff things up a bit. Yeah!

Friday, July 30: Went to a backyard Mass and potluck.
I've never been to a backyard Mass before, but I absolutely loved it. The sense of community, the fresh air, the genuine authenticity of it...what a lovely experience! And I was able to meet some new folks and had a lovely conversation with them about church and ecumenism and other theological awesomeness.

Saturday, July 31: Cheered on my peeps at the Diocesan Co-Ed Softball Championship Tournament.
The super-sweet teens on the St. Teresa softball team made it to the diocesan championship tournament! We started the day by playing an intense game against some random team from the south section. (Still can't remember their name...St. G...Gertrude? NO! I remember now! St. Germaine!) Anyway, we beat them in the semi-finals, and moved on to an even more intense quarter-final game against St. Ferdinand's. Even though we lost, our youth played their best...and for what it's worth, St. Ferd's ended up winning the whole thing, so I thought we did great!

Okay, time to go to work! I have a big junior high mailing to get out this afternoon, so I suppose it would be a good idea to, you know, do it. Peace out y'all...

Love you, miss you, blah blah blah!

grid project - week 5

Your weekly GP update (sorry it's a day late!):

Sunday, June 20: Went to Third Service.
Third Service is a contemporary worship service at a non-denominational church up the road from me...I have been meaning to go check it out for several months, but I finally got around to going for the first time on Sunday. While it's nothing like the Catholic Mass, I really enjoyed it a lot, especially the music. They do several praise and worship songs at the beginning, say the Lord's Prayer and Apostles' Creed, and then do a sermon on a Scripture passage...and they encourage folks to bring their own Bible so they can follow along and make notes, which I always appreciate. I am definitely planning on going to Third Service as much as I can this summer (in addition to Mass, of course). I think it's going to be a nice supplemental experience for me--something away from my parish so I can really focus without all the distractions of worshiping where I work.

Monday, June 21: Learned a new song on the guitar.
I learned how to play "Eleanor Rigby"...the chords are about the easiest thing in the entire world (literally, C - Em - Em7 - Em6), but the rest (the finger picking and all) is kind of difficult for me since I'm self-taught...so I stuck with the chords. Maybe someday I'll be able to play it all fancy-like, but this is good enough for now!

Tuesday, June 22: (though it applies for this entire week) Survived a bunch of elementary school kids.
Though it might not seem like much of a feat for most well-adjusted adults, it's a serious challenge for me. I was in some skits for Vacation Bible School at my church all last week...and I really don't like kids, so I struggled a lot with it. I know, I know: "But Jessie, aren't you a youth minister?!" Well yeah, because I can deal with middle schoolers and high schoolers...but any younger than that and I go nuts. Maybe someday I'll be able to handle spending significant amounts of time with small children, but for now...nope. Not there yet.

Wednesday, June 23: Did ALL of my laundry.
I'm the type of person who waits until the last possible moment to do laundry. Normally, I just do a couple of loads and have a bunch of clothes left in the hamper. I think, "No problem, I can just do the rest tomorrow!" or something equally ridiculous and improbable...and then the next time I see that awesome shirt is the next time I find it in the bottom of the hamper and say, "I'll do it tomorrow." So on Wednesday, I did all of my laundry. All of it. And it felt AMAZING!!! Yeah...

Thursday, June 24: Read a book for leisure.
I know, seems pretty commonplace, right? Well, it should be, but it isn't. I hardly ever take the time to just sit and read a good book...so I think I'm going to change that by making a conscious effort to read at least a few pages every day. Seems like a good summer project, right? I also want to get back into some of my theology books from college. As crazy as it sounds coming from a person who struggled a lot in school, I've found that I really miss learning.

Friday, June 25: Encountered a GDC without screaming, but instead delivering a clever CSI-like one-liner.
Mmmmmhmm, you can say it. I'm a total BA. So I found another Giant Demon Centipede in my bathroom. I calmly went into the kitchen, got my trusty green creepy-crawly-catcher cup, trapped the GDC in it, and because I had to leave and didn't have time to take it outside, I looked down on it with squinty eyes and said, "Now you stay in there and think about what you've done." Okay, probably not the cleverest thing in the world, but it sounded cool at the time. Never mind that I was talking to a centipede.

Saturday, June 26: Cheered on some friends at a softball game.
The other coaches for the St. T's softball team are all on a team together, so I decided to go to one of their games...it was pretty exciting--it was interesting to see how different grown-ups play than high schoolers. For one, there was wayyyy less walking (like, four-balls-and-you-automatically-go-to-first-base kind of walking) and things were a lot faster. It was a good way to spend an hour, anyway! And I learned more about the game, which is always helpful. Annnnnnd I was very impresssed with my fellow coaches too...they really played great!

Okie dokie, that's it! Until next time...

hey...this coffee table wasn't here before!

I know I said that I would try and get the video of the focaccia bread up when I got back, but SCREW THAT because I got frustrated and I'm a loser who gives up at the first sign of a challenge. And by that I mean I tried for a couple of HOURS to get it to work and it just didn't. So. No focaccia bread video for you! But for what it's worth...it was absolutely lovely.

So you may recall that I was away on retreat from Tuesday to Friday. I went up to Erie and spent some time with the Benedictine Sisters there, and it was exactly what I needed. The Sisters are wonderful and gracious, and they're so good at the whole Benedictine hospitality thing (which makes sense, I suppose). I stayed in a hermitage out in the woods, which has a nice little living room, a full kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom, and is about a five minute walk from the main building. "The Mount," as they call it, houses their chapel, library, and dining room, in addition to their living space, offices, and guest rooms. It was an awesome four days that I will surely look back on with fondness...especially on those days when I want to throw in the towel and give up my ministry forever (because everyone has those days every once in a while)! I was able to read a couple of really good books, color a picture with some crayons, and do a lot of journaling.

I wanted to share a bit of what I wrote on Wednesday:

Back in January, I heard this quote by St. Francis when I was on the youth ministers' retreat, and it really stuck with me: "Who we are before God is all we are, and nothing more." I think I've grown from that so much--just the fact that I could acknowledge my brokenness before God was (and continues to be) an important part of experiencing God's boundless love. Because that's just it: God's love doesn't stop when I'm angry with God, or when I don't pray, or when I sin, or when my trust in the Church is shattered. The love of God is always true, always present, always boundless.

Of course, this isn't an excuse for me to slack off spiritually or turn my back on the Church altogether. That's where the whole faith thing comes in. But it's good to be reminded that God's love is bigger than all the drama and the flaws...and that's the biggest thing that I got out of my retreat. It seems so simple, doesn't it?

And I definitely learned a lot of other things about myself and God and all that jazz...but I'm sure you'll understand if I don't write out all my ultra-personal journal entries here. :)

For what it's worth, the books I read were The Holy Longing by Ronald Rolheiser and The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen. They're both excellent books that I would highly recommend!

I'm so drawn to the Benedictine Sisters of Erie. Their community has so much life, and you can just feel the Holy Spirit running around the place like crazy! So...I've decided that I'm going to start the process to become an oblate with them. Basically, an oblate is a layperson (not a nun, Mom--DON'T WORRY, haha) who has a job and a family and all that, but who makes a formal commitment to the Benedictine way of life, especially to prayer (Liturgy of the Hours and the Eucharist) and the Benedictine values. Oblates commit to a particular religious community--in my case, to the Benedictine Sisters in Erie--to their ministries and to financial support of the community if able.

So that's what I'm doing! And now, I'm going to bed. My system is still a little off...I went to prayers with the Sisters at 6:30 each morning, so I had to be in bed pretty early. Also, last night I went to bed at 7:45 because I had a killer headache...and I woke up this morning at 9:00. Dang.

Okie dokie, that's all! Love you, miss you, blah blah blah...

crayola kid

Yesterday, I made some delicious focaccia bread from scratch. I had hoped to have a new video of that adventure up today...but I'm experimenting with Windows Movie Maker and I will spare you the gory details of file conversions gone horribly, horribly wrong to tell you that it just didn't happen. Whatever I do, it'll have to wait until Saturday, because...

I'm going on a four day silent retreat! In fact, I'm leaving in about an hour and won't be back until Friday! I'll be staying with the Benedictine Sisters of Erie, going to Mass and prayers with them and all that, but I'm generally just trying to spend some silent time alone, away from the ministry--and the Burgh--for the first time in a ridiculously LONG time. (Other than Rome, the last time I was out of the city was...Christmas.)

So please pray for me over these next few days. Or if you're not the praying type, I would appreciate it if you'd send some good thoughts my way! Thanks everyone...and I'll catch you on the flip side!

Love you, miss you, blah blah blahhhhhhhhhh...

o happy fault

The power of this holy night dispels all evil,
washes guilt away, restores lost innocence,
brings mourners joy;
it casts out hatred, brings us peace,
and humbles earthly pride.
~The Exultet


I'm off to church soon, but I've got a video in the final stages of the uploading process on YouTube, so hopefully by the time you read this, it'll be all processed and ready to go (though I say "hopefully" because sometimes YouTube is on the fritz and randomly stops uploading, so...we'll see).

and just like that...it was done.

Imagine, if you will, a beautiful day. All the elements are there--it's warm but not too warm, there's a bit of a breeze but it's not too windy, the birds are singing, there's not a cloud in the sky.

Now imagine, with all those elements in place, that you are walking up a mountain in Italy.

I honestly couldn't have asked for a more perfect day when I went to Subiaco on Sunday. My parents stayed in Rome that day, which meant that I was by myself for the first time in about a week...so here's what I did:

I woke up at 6:00 and caught the Metro to St. Peter's Basilica for 7:00 Mass. Basically, starting at 7:00am, there's Mass going on all day at St. Peter's. When it's not the big Sunday Mass that a bunch of bishops and cardinals attend, there are smaller Masses going on in all the side chapels throughout the place. The one I went to was in Italian, but luckily (okay, not luckily--very deliberately and strategically) I brought my iPod with me, which has an app on it called iMissal. iMissal has all the readings and prayers of the Mass and everything right on it, so I could still follow along, even without knowing the language. I love going to Mass in different countries and languages and stuff. It speaks so well to the truly catholic (think "universal") nature of our Church...but I talk about that in the video a bit, so you can just watch that.

So after Mass, I caught a bus out of Rome to a town called Subiaco. For those who might not be familiar, Subiaco is home to the cave where St. Benedict went as a teenager to retreat from the city life, and where he lived as a hermit for three years before starting up a bunch of monasteries and moving to Montecassino (probably his most famous monastery, where he eventually died). While he was in the cave (known as the "Sacro Speco"), a monk named Romanus would actually lower food down to him in a basket several times a week. Basically, it's really cool...like, the place where Benedict's monastic movement began. So of course, with my Benedictine roots (holla back CSB/SJU!), this was a very meaningful trip for me.

I mention this briefly toward the end of the first video, but it bears repeating: St. Benedict definitely knew what he was doing when he decided to go out to the middle of nowhere to be in solitude. It was an intense walk up the side of the mountain, let me tell you! For the first time on the whole trip, I actually felt like I was on a pilgrimage! And as much as I loved spending time with my parents (haven't seen them since Christmas, after all, and probably won't see them again until July), it was nice to give myself the space to reflect without all the distractions of the city and being a tourist and always having my guard up.

So when I got to the top, I found my friend Andy in the gift shop and he gave me a tour and all that. Andy and I had a class together last year at CSB/SJU, and after graduation, he applied to spend a year with the Benedictine Volunteer Corps. He ended up getting placed at the monastery up at the Sacro Speco and prays and eats with the monks there, gives tours, works at the gift shop, and does other random stuff (...and his Italian is really good!). So it was fun to spend a litte bit of time with him and the lovely monks up there. I even got to eat lunch with them--and have some delicious cake afterward!--before catching a ride back to Rome with one of the monks (who is actually from St. John's Abbey in Minnesota).

Upon my return to the city, I was dropped off at a metro station which I took to the Basilica of St. Mary Major. It's a huge, beautiful church with some sweet frescoes and terrible bathrooms. There is a set of stairs on either side of the high altar which lead down to the "Bethlehem Crypt," a small area with benches, facing a relic of the Holy Crib of Baby Jesus. I spent some quality time down there--even taking a walk around the rest of the basilica before feeling pulled back there to pray a Rosary for everyone back home.

That night, we had a fancy schmancy closing dinner with the folks from my dad's company. It was actually really fun, mostly because they had a little band (accordion and all) and some girls who were dancing around in pretty dresses while playing the tambourine. The food wasn't bad either, haha...

All in all, it was a wonderful way to spend my last day in Italy. I already miss it there...in fact, I even went online today to try and find some airline tickets for a trip next year. But maybe I'll wait a bit--I spent plenty of money this last week, and I need to do things like pay off loans and buy groceries and pay my rent and other fun stuff...so perhaps I'll wait a couple of years before I jet off to the Eternal City again. All I know is...I'll be back someday!

Here are the videos from my last day in Italy:




Please know that I was thinking of you and praying for you throughout my entire pilgrimage to Italy...it was truly my privilege to bring you and your prayer intentions along with me! I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers throughout the rest of this Lenten season--may it be blessed and fruitful for you!

Love you, miss you, blah blah blahhhhhhhh...

little town...it's a quiet village

I'm writing this from my apartment back in the Burgh...the second half of the trip was really crazy, and I wasn't able to keep up with my blog, so I apologize.

Friday started out really rough. Mom had been pickpocketed, and we were all a bit bummed about that. On the train, the person who was checking everyone's tickets tried to fine us 50 Euro for not having validated tickets (simply because we didn't know they needed to be validated, but obviously we would have if we had known we needed to!). And since we were pickpocketed (GO FIGURE), I was the only one with cash, and only 25 Euro at that. And THEN the lady said that if we didn't pay 50 Euro on the spot, we would have to mail in 100. WHAT?! After a conversation which consisted of me telling my dad to stop swearing, Mom trying to show the lady our receipt, and me translating on the spot as much as I could, she left and didn't end up coming back (thankfully!) but the whole thing still put us all in a terrible mood.

So weren't we relieved when we arrived in Assisi! For one thing, the pace in Assisi is much slower, which was a wonderful break from the chaos of Rome. The taxi driver was so lovely and kind, and he even talked to us and gave us a map and told us of some good places to visit while we were in town. It's hard to explain, but the whole time we were in Assisi, I just felt such a sense of peace--and I think it had everything to do with the intercession of the saints who had lived there so many hundreds of years ago. We were able to visit the tomb of St. Francis, as well as the place where he established the Franciscan order. We wanted to go into the Basilica of St. Clare (she's buried there), but it was closed at the time so we couldn't. I guess that means I'll have to go back!

This place reminded me of the importance of taking time for quiet throughout one's day. St. Augustine said "God, our hearts are restless until they find their rest in You." So many times I think I just expect to feel at peace in the midst of chaos. As if out of the blue, a sense of calm will just overtake me and everything will be fine. But more often than not, things just don't work that way. I have to search out that peace, dig a hole in my day to find it. And in this case, my parents and I had to get on a train and travel for two hours to find it.

And that's also one of the main reasons I chose to wake up early and pray as my Lenten resolution this year. I literally roll out of bed and into my prayer corner, where I just sit for half an hour. And while I was able to have a little quiet time to myself while I was in Rome, I'm almost relieved to be back in the States, where I can roll out of bed each morning and greet the day by offering it to God. I love being spontaneous, but after a while, I yearn for routine and stability.

Saturday was a wonderful day. In the morning, we went to the Vatican Museum and saw the Sistine Chapel, which was at once both overwhelmingly beautiful and slightly overrated. It would have been easier to reflect and enjoy the space had it not been for the dude working there who kept shouting over everyone, "SILENCE! NO PHOTO! NO VIDEO!" But all in all, it was some pretty intense art.

Then we went on the Scavi tour, which led under St. Peter's Basilica to the tomb/bones of St. Peter, which are located directly below the high altar of the church. That was a really important moment in my life, I think, and I explain about it a bit in the video, but I want to say a little more about it here. Our guide (a student at the North American College--where we visited Deacon Craig) was telling us about how Peter was buried in a "poor man's grave"--but the whole reason for the existence of St. Peter's Basilica, in all its grandeur and magnificence, is to recognize the simple place where Peter was laid to rest. Here's the thing: Peter was a bumbling idiot. So were most of the Apostles. And if God can work with that, if God can lift up someone so humble, and miraculously give him the ability to do monumental things for the glory of God, give him the ultimate responsibility of leading the entire Church...what can God do with me, and with you, and with all of us together? Let me tell you something, there's hope in that.

I'll include my Day Four and Five videos here for those who haven't visited them on YouTube. I noticed that the edge is kind of cut off, so I think if you double-click the video itself, it'll open a new window and take you to the YouTube page where you can see the whole thing.

Day Four:


Day Five:


My next post will be about my last day in Italy, when I visited Subiaco and spent a little time there with my friend Andy. But for now, I'm going to get ready for work...wait, what's that again? Should be an interesting day...especially considering that the time change has messed with me a little bit and I was up at 4:00 this morning (which is 10:00am in Rome).

Thanks for reading, and I'm sorry that this post is so belated...love you, miss you, blah blah blah!

bee tree glee me THREE

As you may (or may not) have guessed from the title of this post, I have made the video for Day Three in Rome! It includes the Colosseum and a couple of really sweet churches.


One correction of note: In the part about San Clemente, I mentioned that it's built on another older church, and there's an ancient Roman road underneath. WELL! Turns out that along with that road, there's also a house and a spring--but most significantly, the church was built directly over a pagan temple. Quite the symbolism, eh?

I actually have things to say about my trip to Assisi today...but that'll have to wait until the next post when I can get the video created and uploaded. :)

you know, i'm just straight chillin' with the xvi...

So this one time, I saw the Pope. And now you can, too! Here's the first half of the day, including the part of the Holy Father's address that he gave in English--it's about St. Bonaventure.


And here's the second half of the day!


I wish I could spend more time actually reflecting on things in the blog...but things are nutso around here, as you can imagine. I'm heading off to dinner right now, and tomorrow we're going to Assisi for the day--so I'll try to get today's post/video up either tonight or tomorrow morning! Lots of good stuff to look forward to in that one!

Okay, that's all for now! PEACE OUT!

rome sweet home

Here's my first video from Rome!



I want to talk briefly about something in that video, namely the sculpture of the Annunciation in the wall of the church. It was so beautiful...and because of the time of day when we were there, this bright light was shining on the angel. The thing that really stuck out to me, though, was the look on the faces of all the angels. There's a whole bunch of them gathered around the scene...and almost every single one is staring at Mary with this look of anticipation. Even God the Father is staring down as if he's got his fingers crossed and he's saying, "Is she going to say yes or no? Please please please..." The entire heavenly kingdom is holding its breath, waiting to see if she's the one they've been waiting for. And you can tell she's really thinking it over, too. That's the thing I love about Mary--not once did she ever take this decision lightly. But then again, I guess bearing the Son of God isn't really something to take lightly...

Okay, it's 7:15am local time in Rome, and I am going to eat breakfast and go hang out with the POPE!

I love you and I'm praying for you all!

pick a card, any card

More snow? Really? Ugh.

If you know me at all, you know that I'm a big proponent of snow. But right now, I would really like for it to go away. I'm sure things will be fine by Monday...but I'm still really nervous, particularly for the part of the trip which involves Philadelphia. They've gotten positively slammed with snow these last few days (the good folks on the Weather Channel are calling it "February Fury," dun dun dunnnnnnn!), and the Philly airport has had to cancel hundreds of flights. So hopefully things will be back to normal soon...at least soon enough for me to leave the country, suckaz!!

I have uploaded my very first video to YouTube:


I know, I am officially a dork--not that I wasn't before...well, I DON'T CARE! So go ahead! Subscribe to my YouTube channel! See if I care! (Hint: I won't!)

The video above is sort of a test run so I could get an idea of how long it takes to process videos and all that...so keep on checking back for EXCLUSIVE NEW VIDZ from J. Johnz! And maybe I'll keep doing them when I get back...depends on how motivated I am, I guess. I just want to be a real live MULTIMEDIA EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAAAA!

I went to a local high school's production of Beauty and the Beast tonight. It was lovely--a handful of my youth group kids were in it, so I thought it would probably be a good idea to go. That and I really love Beauty and the Beast. In fact, I was planning on going last night with Erin and her BF, but the weather was TRECHEROUS and I didn't feel like dying in the snow...and they already had other plans for tonight, so I went by myself and sat in front of some annoying girls who snuck food in via the LOUD PLASTIC BAG OPENED FREQUENTLY DURING THE FIRST ACT method.

Anyhow, tonight was a great performance...except for one unfortunate part. As the second act was beginning--and this is after the little music thing (overture but not?) had already started--there was a little bit of an oopsie. What happened? Well...the curtain wouldn't open. They even tried to be cool and do the first scene in front of the curtain to stall so they could fix it, like it was on purpose or something...but finally they had to stop everything and this dude in a suit came out and was like, "Give us ten minutes." So we did. And a bunch of dudes from backstage got this huge ladder and fixed it and everyone cheered and the show went on! It was all around a great show...it made me want to do theater again.

Okay, that's all. Watch the video (or don't)...and send me your prayer requests before Monday!

Love you, miss you, blah blah blah!

i wish that some fireflies would give ME dancing lessons

First, please watch this video...it's this dude named Sam Tsui doing a cover of the song "Fireflies" by Owl City. He recorded himself doing all the different parts and then made a video of it using the magic of technology. It's brilliant, and (in my humble opinion) way better than the original! So...just watch:



This morning, I woke up and sang at 7:00am Mass. Whew. Only by the grace of God was I able to perform that feat. Obviously I was tired, so as soon as I got back to my apartment I went back to bed for another hour...and I experienced the most realistic dream I've ever had in my entire life.

In this dream, I was leaving St. T's after Mass, and the parking lot was almost empty. This family in a big white SUV started circling around me, closer and closer, really slowly. Just as they were about to hit me, I rolled down my window and yelled at them, "What the heck [okay, I didn't say heck] are you doing?!" and they just looked at me and kept going. Then I thought (just as I would have in real life), "Oh no, now those parishioners are going to think I'm a mean person and won't let their kids come to youth group because this is the only contact I've had with them. CRAP!" So anyway, they pushed my car a little ways (not sure how, but...it was a dream, so it just happened.) Needless to say, I was SO MAD, so what did I do? I drove to a different part of the parking lot so I could watch them as they continued their circles, get their license plate information, and give it to Fr. Bob so he would kick them out of the parish, of course! But when I got out of my car, I stepped in a pothole...and I knew they were watching me, so I tried to make it seem like it was on purpose. And all of a sudden, I was in the kitchen of my really old house (the one in Ranier, MN from when I was very small--but it was in PA and doubled as the St. T's parish office). The secretary at St. T's was there, along with another random person and...my mom! I noticed that she was wearing a new wig and figured it was just because her hair was growing funny or something. I was just about to call Fr. Bob when my mom just started talking to him on the phone. I kept trying to interrupt and give her the info to give to him (like when I was little and would always bug my mom when she was on the phone), but she just ignored me and kept talking. I kept at it, though, and I was right next to her ear...so when she finally got too frustrated, she turned really fast and hit me in the nose with her head. I was like, "Mom. That really hurt." (And it DID!) And then I woke up to my alarm. It was weird.

Again, I have wasted your time on something uninteresting. But it was SO REAL! You have no idea how disoriented I was when I woke up. Yikes!

Okay, what else...last night, I went to this thing called Catholic Underground with Erin (she's one of my awesome Core Team members who volunteers with the youth group, and one of the only people I know here who is my age). The night was sweet. There's a Holy Hour and the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and then there's music and food afterward. I've had a lot on my heart lately, so it was absolutely wonderful to go to Confession. What a perfect way to start the season of Lent! I feel so much more able to keep my Lenten resolution now that I have a clean slate...it's hard to explain. It's like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders or something. So for a couple of days, at least, I will have that invincible feeling of grace that says, "I'M NEVER GOING TO SIN AGAIN!" And then I'll punch a kitten and that feeling will go away. Just kidding, I would never punch a kitten...unless it clawed me in the face and set my apartment on fire. But I know that something ELSE will happen and I will be unpleasantly reminded of my humanity. I guess that's why we have Jesus!

Looks like I'm working backwards...so on to Saturday morning. I watched the movie WALL-E (yeah Netflix!) and it was so good! It's so amazing how they can have Wall-E and Eve express so much without really using any words. Easily one of the better movies I've seen lately--I would highly recommend it, if only for the BRILLIANT end credits. Seriously.

Friday night, I worked at my first St. T's Fish Fry. Now I don't want to brag or anything, but our fish fry is SO AWESOME. I got to run orders back and forth between the take-out area and the kitchen. Basically, it was rushing around for three straight hours...and I loved every minute! Plus I got some delicious fish, and the best macaroni and cheese in the world! Is there a better combination?! (Answer: NO!)

Okay, today we're having our First Annual Youth Ministry Family Potluck...so I have to go do stuff. Wahoo! I'm so excited! We have something like 50 people coming, and I need to go get some lasagna and put the finishing touches on a prayer service! I LOVE MY JOB!

Love you, miss you, blah blah blah!

i made it myself!

Last night, there was freezing rain in the Burgh. Just thought I'd mention that because, well, it's some nasty stuff and doesn't happen too often here in my estimation. Then again, snow doesn't usually happen on fourteen of the first eighteen days of February in Pittsburgh either, but would you look at that--the snowiest month on record!

So I don't know if I've mentioned this yet, but I'm going on vacation to Rome with my parents...in eleven days. I am beyond stoked at this point, and I just can't believe that it's already here! We've got some exciting stuff planned, including a day trip to Assisi, a Scavi tour, and a Wednesday general audience with none other than B16 himself!

That's right...THE POPE.

Back in my bedroom at my mom and dad's house, I have a list pinned to my wall: Ten Things To Do Before I Die. I made it several years ago, and I still think about it often. But what is first on the list, you might ask yourself? Why, See the Pope, of course! And as of two Wednesdays from now, I will officially be able to check that one off my list. And THAT is exciting!

But this trip is more than just a check-off for me. I've been thinking about Lent a lot lately (say that five times fast: Lent a lot lately, Lent a lot lately...), and how I can really enter into this beautiful season of preparation for the death and resurrection of Jesus. So the more I think about this trip and the closer it gets, the more I see it as a sort of Lenten pilgrimage. It's hard to explain. I just feel like...I don't know...I guess if I'm going to be in a place that holds so much history and heritage and significance for my faith, I can't pass up the opportunity to give the trip some deeper meaning other than simply "vacation." I'll definitely keep a journal, and maybe I'll even post some of it here when I get back (or each night if I can find me some WiFi action).

In other Lenten news, I finally discerned last night what I'm "giving up" this year. I didn't want to pick something like chocolate or sweets. That works for some people, but it seems that every time I've done it in the past, I've started it with good intentions but always ended up doing it for me, not for God (and throwing daily pity parties as well). So this year, I'm doing something different. I've decided that I am going to wake up each morning no later than 7:15 (that's where the sacrifice comes in--I'm giving up my sleep...and I am not a morning person!), and start my day with a solid half hour of prayer. You might think, "Well gosh, Jessie, I just assumed that you already did that." And I'm embarrassed to say that when it comes to keeping a regular prayer schedule, I am the worst. It's not that I never pray, it's that I don't devote a chunk of time to structured prayer throughout my day--so I think this will be helpful in giving me structure for my personal prayer practice. And on top of that, it will be beneficial to my ministry, because it's impossible to have a good ministry if one's personal spirituality is lacking. As the saying goes, you can't give what you don't have!

For no good reason at all, I would like to tell you a funny story. Apparently, back in the day, the pope (JPII at the time, not that it matters, even in all his coolness) visited a Latin American country. Can't remember which, but for the purposes of this story, it isn't really relevant. Just know that wherever he went, the people there spoke Spanish. Well, there was this guy from the U.S. who thought to himself, "I'm going to make a profit out of the pope's visit! I shall make a thousand T-shirts to commemorate the occasion, and a thousand people will buy them, and I shall be rich! Brilliant!" So the guy printed off a thousand shirts that said "I saw the Pope" in Spanish. However, when the day came, he was standing on the side of the street selling the shirts...and no one was buying them. He was like, "Well this sucks...I thought people would be buying these things like crazy! I just lost a ton of money! What's the deal?!" Well, he later found out the importance of using correct articles when speaking (or in this case, printing shirts) in Spanish. For he discovered that there is a distinct difference between saying "Vi el Papa" (I saw the Pope) and "Vi la papa" (...I saw the potato).

Last thing: if you have any intentions/petitions/prayers that you would like me to offer up while I'm on my pilgrimage to the Vatican, I would be more than happy to do so. Leave a comment below, e-mail me, send me a message on Facebook, or send me a letter, and I will be sure to offer up your intentions!

Love you, miss you, blah blah blah!

russian, spanish, french

My birthday was wonderful. I was on retreat with a bunch of other youth ministers from around the diocese, which was much needed and very refreshing! But it also got me to do a lot of thinking. Some of the following thoughts are my own personal reflections, but some are also things we talked about as a group throughout the retreat.

I've been really frustrated lately, because I feel a bit lost here, in the "big-picture" kind of way. I mean, I know God put me in Pittsburgh for a reason, I just haven't figured out what it is yet. And it's not like I'm not listening, either. I've really been trying to hear what God has had to say over these last few months...I just haven't heard a peep. Don't get me wrong--I absolutely love it here and wouldn't trade my experience for anything, I'd just really like to know the reason I've been called here. Of course, the obvious answer is "to do youth ministry, silly!" But here's the thing: there's more to me than ministry. At the end of the day, I'm not a youth minister, I'm not a cantor, I'm not even a website committee member (as awesome as that is, haha)...I'm a child of God. God loves me for who I am in God, not what I do for God. So there has to be another reason for me to be here. I just have to figure out what it is. So any time you're ready to tell me, God, I'm ready for it! Until then...I guess I'm just...growing?

So after all the retreat stuff on Tuesday, about ten of us piled into a few cars and went to a place called Wings, Suds, & Spuds. I had a strawberry milkshake and some macaroni and cheese bites (SO DELICIOUS!), and they even gave me an orange balloon because it was my birthday. So that was exciting...a very laid back birthday celebration, but very nice. And then it was back to retreat stuff on Wednesday. :)

Well, it's back to work now...I decided to spend the morning working from my very comfortable bed--I made some phone calls about the March for Life in Washington, DC next Friday, and I've been working a bit more on the semester curriculum for the youth ministry program. I've got most of it pretty well laid out until May, but there are a couple more details to work out so I don't have to keep putting all my time and energy each week into "AHHH what are we doing this weekend?!"-type stuff. It'll be a relief to get all that taken care of!

And ALSO! I need to get myself a Dairy Queen cake today or tomorrow. I mean, it's not just for me, of course--it's like in elementary school when you brought cupcakes for everyone on your birthday...only with grown-ups on the church staff instead of sugar-crazed little children. Yippee skippy! I looooooove ice cream cake. I might even share it with the teens on Sunday if there's any left over...or maybe I'll just take it home and keep it in my freezer just in case I need my sugar fix...

my other mom

First, let me say that I am incredibly jealous of you folks in the Midwest for the ridiculous amounts of snow you are experiencing. We just have stupid "I want to be snow but I'm not quite there and never will be" kind of precipitation that makes you want to shake your fist at the sky and shout, WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!" at Mother Nature. But no, Mother Nature is not the other mom I am referring to in the title of this post.

I am talking about my mom in Heaven.

Today, December 8, is set aside every year by the Church to commemorate the Immaculate Conception of Mary, that is, Mary being conceived in the womb of St. Anne without original sin. This might sound a little weird at first, but if you think about it, it kind of makes sense--Jesus Christ, totally God and totally human, also had to be totally perfect (that's the God part). Now, if Mary had original sin, then Jesus would have inherited it from her, and thus not been perfect...and the whole "fully God, fully human" thing would be a little impossible. So God went to a whole lot of trouble to pick Mary, making sure she was conceived without original sin, and giving her super special graces throughout her life to better know and follow God's will and avoid temptation and sin.

But here's the thing...Mary still could have sinned. God doesn't just take away a person's free will. So Mary could have turned away from God, even for a split second, at any point in her life. But she didn't.

WHAT?! That's freaking MIND-BOGGLING.

And on top of all that awesome perfection...think, just for a moment, how you might feel if, as a fourteen year old girl, you were visited by an angel and told you would bear the Savior of the world.

Honestly. I mean it. Stop reading right now. Close your eyes and put yourself in Mary's place for a moment. How would you feel? How would you react? What would be going through your head?

I can't even imagine what Mary must have been thinking as this scene unfolded. But whatever thoughts and feelings and reactions were happening for Mary in that situation, the fact is that it happened. And even though she was crazy confused about the whole thing ("Seriously? How is this even possible? I'm a virgin!"), she listened to what the angel had to say. She took a precious moment of discernment...and then she said, "Okay."

And in that "yes," Mary became for us a shining example of faith, hope, and love. She became the first disciple of Jesus the moment she affirmed His place in her womb.

For the last thirty-three days, I have been going through the process of St. Louis Marie de Montfort's Total Consecration to Jesus Through Mary. It's kind of intense. LOTS of prayer and reflection on Mary's place in the grand scheme of things, and why she's so important for us. On the thirty-fourth day, the person making the Consecration offers him or herself as a "slave of love" to Jesus through Mary.

If you had asked me a year ago, "Would you ever consider doing the Total Consecration?" I would have said, "No. That's ridiculous and crazy and it puts the focus too much on Mary and not enough on Jesus." But through a long few months of being pushed toward our Blessed Mother by various experiences (my mom's cancer, going to a Life Teen youth ministers' conference, etc), I realized that this Consecration was something God was calling me to do.

Honestly, the process of doing this Consecration has completely changed the lens through which I look at people, situations, and decisions. I often find myself thinking, "What would Mary do?" (Sidenote: I'm not perfect, I'm not implying that I am, and I know that I never will be. The point is to try, and I get that.) But this devotion to Mary isn't some sort of statement that she's God or something like that. It is simply (okay, maybe not so simply) placing myself in Mary's arms so she can carry me to the arms of her Son. As I draw closer to her, meditating on and seeking to understand her heart and her witness, she continually draws me to her Son.

Okay, so I would love to talk about Mary all night, but as it is, I'm really tired, so I'm going to head to bed. But if you have any questions, feel free to call me or Facebook me or even leave me a comment below, and I'll try to get back to you soon.

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to you!

plates are overrated

So here's the stereotypical "here's what I'm thankful for" blog...I mean, the "things for which I am thankful" blog.

-To the handful of lovely folks who sent me cards saying "Happy Thanksgiving." It really meant a lot to me, so...thank you.

-For Mary, Tod, Wayne, and Kathleen, and for Greg, Chris, Eric, Jeremy, and Gracie for opening their homes up to me today...one for breakfast (in this case, breakfast=PIE, what an awesome tradition!) and the other for dinner. I haven't yet been to the second yet, but I'll be leaving in a little while, and I just have this feeling that it's going to be spectacular.

-To all the families at St. T's (literally, dozens) who offered me a place at their Thanksgiving table. If I could eat dinner with all of them, I would...but alas, my stomach is not that big, and I'd really like to be alive for Christmas! Haha...

-For Skype. (Are you in my Skype contacts? E-mail or Facebook me and I'll give you my contact info!)

-For a warm place to sleep and clothes to wear and food to eat (even if it's not the best...it's more than I need).

-For grace and mercy from God in so many aspects of my life. I feel like the more I try to give (by living out my vocation as a lay ecclesial minister and in other ways too), the more God multiplies my loaves and fishes all OVER the place! God is just showering me with blessings, and I really take comfort in that. And there are so many times when I'm sitting in my office or falling asleep at night or eating macaroni and cheese or hanging out with teenagers when I think, "GOD! You want me to be here!"

-For a growing relationship with my Blessed Mother Mary...you're really throwing me for a loop! I've realized so much over the last few months the importance of a relationship with Mary, and in a very big way, too. I constantly get this sense that she's looking out for me...and that is a comforting thought! So I'm trying my hardest to place my life in her hands so she can carry me to her Son. (Okay, I know--random, and perhaps slightly overwhelming for a "things for which I am thankful" post. I just felt like I had to say it, because it's true! I might devote an entire post to this topic sometime in the near future if I can.)

-For my health, and the health of my family and friends (especially you, Mommio!).

-For my insanely comfortable bed.

-For all the gifts and talents God has given me, and for all the opportunities to use them!

-For the sad stuff--it just helps me appreciate the happy stuff even more.

-To all the teens and parents at St. T's for letting me be a part of their lives.

Okay, enough with the sappy stuff! Now...on to Thanksgiving Dinner! I really hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday, and please know that I'm thinking of you today with a great deal of love and fondness in my heart. I miss you and hope all is well!

OH! And if you haven't sent me your address yet, please do so! I want to send you a Christmas card!

kaboom

God is good. All the time.

I took two high schoolers from my youth group on retreat this weekend. The retreat was one that a team of youth ministers puts on every year, but being new to the area, I didn't really know what to expect. What I got was this: 250 (I think) high school students praising God, dancing around like fools, diving deeper into their faith, making new friends, eating TONS of food, and spending quality time with the Timeless One. All in all, it was an amazing weekend.

I had my own experience this weekend too, though, which resulted in one of those GOD JUST PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE moments. I'd like to share a bit about what happened.

Last night, we had Eucharistic Adoration for two hours while teens and adult leaders received the Sacrament of Reconciliation in separate side rooms. We ended the night with Benediction and then had some serious fun for a couple of hours. But I'd like to back up...before the fun started, before Benediction, before I even went to Confession. At one point, as I knelt in front of the Blessed Sacrament exposed in the monstrance, I really felt like God was putting a Scripture passage on my heart, so I found myself flipping to Colossians 1:15-20. This is a little passage talking about Christ's role in the creation of the universe. (Haha, it sounds so simple...) The second part of verse 16 really stuck out to me, though: "All things have been created through Him and for Him."

So I got to thinking. What if this isn't just a general thought? What if...what if God created wheat simply because God knew that it would be made into bread, so that one day, Jesus would use bread to reveal Himself to us in the Eucharist and sustain us in our love for God? What if all those good things like muffins and cookies and other bread were just an added bonus to the ultimate nourishment we receive in the Eucharist?

What if?

And what if we take that a step further: is it that hard to believe that God wold have created each of us specifically for one moment in our lives when we would reveal something about Christ to those around us, whether we realized it or not? That one seemingly insignificant moment of kindness or faith or compassion (or even just plain common courtesy) might set off a series of events which have a dramatic impact on the entire world? That the sorrows and joys, the pain and rejoicing, our feelings and experiences...that all of that might be an added bonus to the fact that we made a difference in that one moment when God worked through our humanity in an utterly unique, utterly world-shaking way? And then I started wondering...

What about my "one moment"? Has it already happened? Did it happen the moment I was born? Or will it happen just before I die? Was it sometime this weekend as I spent time with the youth from my parish? Could it be the next time I go grocery shopping?

Live as if this were your moment. Because really, who knows? Maybe this is the one moment you were created for. Blessings and peace to you all! I love you dearly!